Valentine Death Wish
by AnimationNut
Summary: My entry for the 2012 Valentine Challenge at CCOAC. Thanks to Morgan, Reid hates Valentine's Day. But when he plans a little revenge, the result is less than stellar and Reid finds himself with a Valentine death wish that he hopes won't come true.


**My entry for the Valentine's Day 2012 Challenge on CCOAC. Heh, I got Reid and Morgan again XD Sorry if anyone is OOC.**

**Happy (early) Valentine's Day!**

**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**Valentine Death Wish**

If it was one thing Spencer Reid hated, it was Valentine's Day.

Now, it wasn't just because he couldn't get a girlfriend. He was fully aware of his awkwardness around the opposite sex and had accepted it. He didn't mind the abundance of chocolate or flowers or mushy cards with the fluffy bears on the front. What really irked him about the holiday was one Derek Morgan.

Every Valentine's Day the older agent pulled at least one cruel prank on the genius. If it wasn't sending fake love notes it was sending flowers to the elderly secretary downstairs with Reid's name signed on the card. He could tolerate (barely) being the butt of Morgan's jokes for the majority of the year, but he drew the line on Valentine's Day.

And this was the year Reid would get him back for all the pranks that were pulled on him on that romantic day of the year.

The curly haired agent peered around the bullpen with mild distaste. Like almost every holiday, Penelope Garcia was in the spirit. Pink and red hearts were taped to every desk and the floor (much to Hotch's annoyance) was covered in bright pink glitter. It was a severe eyesore, but not even Hotch dared to touch Garcia's precious creation. It was common knowledge to leave Garcia's displays of festive spirit alone lest you be the target of the techgirl's wrath.

"I think I'm going to throw up." Emily Prentiss said flatly as she made her way to her desk, a bunch of files clutched in her hands. Reid grinned as Prentiss eyed the plastic flowers that covered her work area.

"I wouldn't touch them if I were you." Reid cautioned. "It won't be worth the end result."

Prentiss decided to agree and sat down. Spencer tapped his fingers against his own desk and looked around. "Have you seen Morgan?"

The dark-haired agent glanced over her shoulder and smirked. "Not yet. Afraid of his annual Valentine's Day prank?"

"I find it offensive of how much amusement you guys get out of my humiliation." Reid muttered. "For your information, I am very much prepared. I refuse to take anything Morgan gives me, I won't take any cards I'm given seriously and I absolutely will not answer my cell phone."

Just then the dark-skinned agent entered the bullpen, flakes of snow drifting from his jacket. Morgan caught Spencer's eye and grinned mischievously before going to the coat closet. Spencer scowled and returned his attention to the files in front of him.

The words that normally imprinted themselves into his brain were a blur on the paper. He knew he would not get much work done that day when he was waiting for his plan of revenge to begin.

Morgan returned to his desk and seconds later, a man carrying a dozen roses entered the bullpen. Spencer tried to keep his mouth in a straight line as the bouquet was set in front of a baffled Derek Morgan. "These are for me?"

"Yup." The florist removed his clipboard from his belt and scanned the list. "You're Derek Morgan, right?" He tapped the nameplate on Morgan's desk with his pen. Morgan nodded and the florist checked something off his clipboard in satisfaction. "Good day, sir."

Morgan stared at the sweet-smelling flowers before frowning and crossing his arms. "Which one of you jokers thought it'd be funny to send me a bunch of flowers? Reid, nice try."

Reid managed to put a convincingly shocked look on his face when he lifted his head. "Why do you always blame me?"

"Because it always is you."

"That's a bit of an exaggeration." Reid muttered. "No, Morgan. I have better things to do than to waste my money to send you some flowers just to see your reaction." He swallowed a giggle. "Did you even check that little card tied to the ribbon?"

Morgan tilted up a little white card and read the message written in scarlet script. His eyebrows arched and he said in disbelief, "To my Chocolate God, love your Baby Girl. Huh...I guess Garcia does go all out for Valentine's Day."

"How come I didn't get one?" Reid complained. Morgan blinked and realized that he was the only male in the bullpen that Penelope had sent flowers to. Flushing (and slightly confused) he set the bouquet aside.

"I guess she likes me more than you, Reid." He managed to tease.

Reid snorted. "Well, obviously. Did you know that every rose symbolizes an emotion? Black roses, for example, mean sorrow and loss. Peach roses mean gratitude, white means purity and honour, yellow means friendship, pink means joy and grace, and red ones mean love and attachment. Of course, the dark red ones mean passion and a readiness to commit."

As Reid often spouted of facts on a daily basis, Derek wasn't suspicious that Reid knew what each coloured rose symbolized. Derek nervously stared at the bouquet of dark red roses. "I'm sure Penelope thought she was just sending a friend a bunch of roses." His tone suggested that he wasn't completely convinced.

Satisfied that Morgan was starting to think that perhaps Penelope was in love with him, Reid returned to the files he was supposed to be analyzing. He didn't feel particularly bad about playing with the two; Penelope had broken up with Kevin a week ago and it was common knowledge that the two agents felt _something _towards each other.

Prentiss, who had been listening to the exchange the entire time, eyed Reid suspiciously for a moment before returning to her work. She decided that the young genius didn't quite have the nerve to pull off such a prank on someone who could pound him into next week.

"So...should I thank her for the roses?" Morgan finally spoke up after a moment of silence.

It took a moment for Reid to realize that Morgan was asking _him _for slightly romantic advice. Lips threatening to twitch, Reid shrugged. "I don't know. How do you feel about her?"

Morgan hesitated. "I'm not sure."

"Well then, I guess you better wait until you're certain of what you feel for her." Reid wasn't quite ready for Morgan to confront Garcia yet; he still had a few more tricks up his sleeves.

...

Morgan couldn't stop his gaze from flickering from Garcia's tech room and back to his report that he was supposed to be typing. He wasn't sure _what _he felt; he always figured there was something between his Baby Girl and himself, but he wasn't sure what. And besides, didn't she just break up with Kevin? Wasn't there some sort of designated time period before she went after another man?

Maybe it was just him. Maybe the flowers didn't mean anything...

But what if they did?

"HEY! MORGAN!"

The dark-skinned man jumped about a foot in the air, hand hovering over his gun instinctively. Prentiss hastily backed up a few steps, hands held up in defense. "Whoa! It's just me! What's got you all riled up?"

Morgan settled down and sighed heavily. "The flowers Garcia sent me...I don't know what to make of them! Hey...you're a girl! Do you know what these things mean?"

Prentiss rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks for noticing I'm a member of the opposite sex. As for the flowers, I think maybe you're reading to deep into them. She just broke up with Kevin, remember?"

Morgan nodded, but he still had that niggling feeling. "Yeah...I guess you're right. Thanks, Prentiss."

Across the bullpen, Reid tried to keep from laughing. If Morgan thought he was reading into the flowers to much, he couldn't wait to see the older agent's reaction after the lunch break.

...

"Okay, what's your game?" Prentiss demanded, cornering ready in the lunch room with her hands on her hips.

Reid tried to play innocent, even though his heart was pumping. "I don't know what you mean."

Prentiss arched an eyebrow and gestured towards the closed door, where Morgan and his dilemma were on the other side. "It's Valentine's Day. Instead of obsessing over his annual prank, he's worrying over the secret message within the flowers. I sincerely doubt Garcia sent them and you looked ready to bust a gut."

Reid groaned. "Man, am I that easy to read?"

"It's what we do for a living, Reid." Prentiss reminded the genius in slight amusement. "So it was you who sent the flowers?"

"I figured it would be believable. Garcia and Kevin broke up and there has always been some sort of chemistry between Garcia and Morgan. Since Garcia goes all out for this holiday, I thought Morgan would think Garcia seriously sent him flowers." Reid wiggled his eyebrows. "And because Morgan is so deep in thought over this, he hasn't noticed my odd behaviour. I'm a genius, right?"

"More like a moron." Prentiss corrected. "Reid, you are going to be dead if those two ever find out it was you."

"Nah. Either they both think it was mix-up, a prank by someone else or they live happily ever after."

Prentiss rolled her eyes and picked up her sandwich. "When everything blows up in your face, I'll be there to laugh."

Reid shook his head as his fellow agent left the room. "No faith...oh well! Now it's time for Part Two!"

...

While Morgan was busy staring mindlessly at his computer screen, Reid tiptoed over to the coat closet and carefully opened the door. He slipped a package into Morgan's coat pocket and noted that the older agent had left his cell phone in his coat. Perfect!

Reid glanced at the clock. This was around the time Garcia went to the lunch room to grab a cup of coffee. The genius hurried to the tech room and hastily searched the large desktop. He spotted Garcia's phone charging by one of her various computers. Knowing he would be in deep trouble if the techgirl ever caught him, he quickly fired off a text message to Morgan using Garcia's phone and sprinted to his desk.

He had just collapsed in his chair when Morgan's phone began to trill inside the closet. Recognizing the ringtone, Morgan cursed before getting up and rushing to the closet. He was out of the bullpen just as Garcia came back in. Reid let out a sigh of relief as the eccentric woman entered the tech room seconds before Morgan came back, clutching the package in one hand and eyeing the message on his phone in confusion.

_Luck is on my side!_

Prentiss eyed Reid with a knowingly. Morgan stared at the message a while longer before opening the small pink and red lumpy package he had found in his coat pocket. He turned brick red and Prentiss, not being able to resist the curiosity, asked, "What's your problem?"

"I think I read into the flowers right the first time, Prentiss." Morgan muttered, hesitantly showing the edible underpants Garcia had sent him. He then showed Prentiss the text he had just received from her.

_Can't wait to share these with you ;)_

Prentiss closed her eyes and turned back to her computer screen. "Well then...what do I know?"

Reid pursed his lips together in an attempt to keep from laughing. Morgan took a deep breath, courage rising up and his inner womanizer starting to break through. "I guess I better not keep Baby Girl waiting."

Morgan got up and strode determinedly into the tech room. Reid reached for Prentiss' desk and stuffed a handful of candy hearts from her glass bowl in his mouth to stop the temptation of bursting into laughter. He winced when he realized they were cinnamon hearts and waved a hand in front of his mouth. "Hot! Hot!"

He rushed over to the water dispenser and stuck his head under the tap, hastily chugging the cool water. "Phew! Those things are hot!"

"Smooth, Reid." Prentiss remarked dryly. "I'm surprised you're not watching your pretty little plan shape up."

"Please. It would just be suspicious if I spied on them."

Before Prentiss could respond, a resounding _slap! _echoed throughout the bullpen. The two agents froze and stared at the tech room, which soon had Garcia's voice flowing from it. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, BUT LIKE HOW A SISTER LOVES HER BROTHER! YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE IN HERE AND _KISS _ME! ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! KEVIN WON'T BE HAPPY WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS! OOH, DEREK MORGAN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LOUSY-!"

Reid coughed uncomfortably at the stream of curses that soon followed. Prentiss smirked at him. "Ha ha! Your plan failed!"

"It's fine! They'll forgive each other-!"

"What even provoked you to do such a thing?" Garcia shouted again. Reid gulped as Morgan stammered about the flowers and edible underpants. "WHAT?"

Reid could practically hear the techgirl search through her phone, and it then occurred to him that he hadn't deleted the text after he sent it...

_Some genius I am._

"I didn't send this! I was getting my coffee when this was sent!" Garcia exclaimed.

A beat of silence.

"_REID!"_

"How does he know it was me?" Reid cried, getting up from his desk and starting to run for the exit.

"Who else would it be?" Prentiss remarked and grinned when Morgan burst from the tech room, face red with fury. Reid yelped and took off with the older agent in pursuit. It was then, during the run for his life, that perhaps he had crossed some limits.

Spencer Reid _really _hated Valentine's Day.

**Yeah, hardly romantic, and I hope I focus on both Derek and Spencer enough.**

**Review please, and no flames!**


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